July 17, 2007

Pervii nax!

Well, I might start with the good news that the beep is gone. Maybe my friend was right, that it was a smoke detector warning of a low battery, or maybe somebody else just shared my distain for such a useless noisy device and went ahead with setting the building on fire. Either way, my block is finally able to get some real sleep.

I'm a little bit concerned about America. Not in any sort of deep political or social way-- at least not that will be covered with my little candy-coated weblog --but rather in a touristic way. The United States: is it still fun to visit?

I feel that over the years, other cultures have observed America's qualities and ideals-- even just the superficial ones --and have borrowed them, adapted them, and made them in many ways much much better. Take food for example, the hotdog specifically. Now this is only heresay, but I understand that in Brazil, there is a hotdog on offer that has not only the dog, not only the exciting fixings that everyone knows and loves, but is also piled high with mashed potatoes. Mashed potatoes! and it's supposedly much cheaper than the emaciated boiled hotdogs that have somehow become famous on New York's city streets. I imagine that if anybody here got ballsy enough to be creative about their hotdogs, they wouldn't hesitate to charge $5.00 extra for a variation including potatoes (and the consumer, already bored to starving, wouldn't hesitate to shell out the dough for this unexpected innovation). People come to this country after seeing it on TV, seeing all our supposedly delicious food, and eating all their local adaptations of it, expecting that the original will simply blow their mind. But what they get is over-priced disappointing caricatures. It's a little bit sad.

And it's not just foreign tourists who experience this. I've felt it myself after moving to New York. Where is all the delicious food? All these little foodstands on the street just smack of economic depression and an abandoned desire to innovate. $2.50 for a wet hotdog in a spongy little bun. You can shroud this embarassment in sourkraut at no extra charge, but that in itself is something to bemoan. They already charge you for the toppings, even if you don't order them.

Now it must be said, I have not experienced much of New York yet, not the way it is supposedly intended to be. I don't get out that much, and I don't yet know about the places that would end my argument with one juicy, delicious bite. I haven't given up hope that at least somewhere in the city, or in the country for that matter, there is a surprisingly cheap, surprisingly delicious, and uniquely surprising delight that Americans and visitors can both enjoy. But where is it?

I've turned to the public access TV stations to find the answer. Fortunately, New York is so taken with itself that people will make chic, informative shows about New Yorky things; they praise gritty little pubs and expose charming facets of the boroughs that would otherwise go unnoticed or underappreciated. I think these shows are mainly for the gentry to watch, so they can strengthen their wir Gefuehl with respect to living in "The City" and never run out of things to go "blog" about. But for me, well, I can at least see what's around me since everything remotely cool is so easy to miss.

I am trying to think of the coolest thing in New York that I have seen so far. Coney Island is always at the top of the list, but has recently fallen under my strong critique, as I just recently spent $7.00 on a water and an oven-baked funnel cake.

An oven-fucking-baked funnel cake. What the hell are they thinking?? It had all the heart-warming traditional delight of a Thanksgiving turkey cooked in the microwave. Every spongy, flaccid piece was a reminder of all the poor little kids who come here expecting to create childhood memories and instead get handed a tired, impotent doughy mess not fit for a volunteer firemans' fundraiser. I expected more from a perminent carnival at the center of the world.

If we can get the food right, ladies and gentlemen, we can get everything right. But among bans on trans-fats, market conditions favorable only to pseudo-health-food, and a nation of fatty fatties trying to get everyone to help them lose weight, we've lost something important.

We've lost the crunch in our funnel cakes. :*(

Posted by Alchemae at July 17, 2007 02:22 AM
Comments

wow! i've always kept this site in my favorite places and i accidently clicked on it tonight and to my surprise.. updates. i had long given up hope! but how about an update on you? what's your job like? life? etc. take pictures of things you see on your way to work. your room. you. a day in the life of dan. glad to see you are writing again, even if it is about your distaste of funnel cakes.

Posted by: alexia at July 22, 2007 12:37 AM

wow! i've always kept this site in my favorite places and i accidently clicked on it tonight and to my surprise.. updates. i had long given up hope! but how about an update on you? what's your job like? life? etc. take pictures of things you see on your way to work. your room. you. a day in the life of dan. glad to see you are writing again, even if it is about your distaste of funnel cakes.

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--Lena

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