Subterranean Beefworks

Next goal.

I've been thinking.

When I think about certain things, namely huge or important undertakings, I tackle them in chunks. I'll zone out during the day and let my thoughts wander, poking at the topic from different angles before inevitably being distracted by something. Later that day, or maybe a few weeks later, I'll zonk out once more and massage the idea a little more. The result is that months down the road, there's an aggregated clump of goals that resembles something like a plan.

Many months ago, I was watching the travel channel and mentally masturbating to this program about extreme thrills around the world. There was one segment about this gigantic crater in Mexico i think. People will pack a parachute and leap into this fucking hole, and at the last possible second, open their chute make a safe landing. There were some other awesome looking places, but the one that stayed with me was Nevis Highwire in Queenstown, New Zealand, harolded as the highest bungee jump in Australasia. It's the jump that I have decided to assign as a mid-term goal.

I don't see what the big deal about bungee jumping is. As long as you're not at Randy's Super Thrill Zone in Asscrust, South Dakota, I don't think safety is that much of an issue. Maybe I put too much faith in experienced people who have been working world-famous bungee sites for many years, but the thought of the cable snapping just doesn't phase me that much. That's why I don't want to fuck around with this jump, and I'm going straight for the throat: the highest jump available (there might be higher ones, but I don't know where they are, and they can't possibly be in a better location than New Zealand).

Nevis Highwire consists of a ~75mph plummet 440 feet straight down, between the craggy walls of a valley in some dude's private mountainous expanse of land. You ride a gondola for something like half an hour just to get positioned between the opposing hills, and once you arrive, you're in a small metal box with a glass floor and a bunch of people shitting themselves. You look down and realize that you've come to put your life in danger and do something that not many people can claim to have done.

That's about why I want to do it. It's such an outlandish thrill, such unparalleled circumstances, such an elating adrenaline high to be in 8 seconds of free-fall before settling into what can only be termed as the ultimate "boing." It stirs my entire digestive tract to imagine myself dangling in such a weird place.

So the scoop reduces to this: There is a package that can be purchased for something close to USD$230. This includes 4 jumps in NZ, 3 of which in places I don't remember and am not even familiar with. The plane fare is of course the big problem, because preliminary quotes have yielded numbers like $3,440, $3,903, and $F,uck,you. I'd have to play around with that more though.

So that's about all I have to say about the bungee idea for now. I have no fear of making the jump, nor am I even slightly less than decided on making this happen. The chance of death is real, I guess. But before I go I'll have made a list of people that I care about so they know I cared about them. My survivors will deliver those messages, as well as little coupons to each person which they can redeem for my belongings.

Okay, hiking pictures.

Following the pictures is an account of the journey with occasional references to something photographed. They're pretty much chronological, beginning at my house and progressing with our journey through the hot, stinking suburban jungle.

Travelogue [Abridged]:

I dustrust summaries, any kind of gliding through time, any too great a claim that one is in control of what one recounts; I think someone who claims to understand but is obviously calm, someone who claims to write with emotion recollected in tranquillity, is a fool and a liar. To understand is to tremble. To recollect is to re-enter and be riven. . . I admire the authority of being on one's knees in front of the event.

Harold Brodkey
"Manipulations"

The morning began at 0800 with the arrival of my compatriot, Brendan. At Base Camp, we made our final preparations and took some publicity shots that we assumed would later accompany our article in Wilderfolk Magazine. Truth be told, I woke up unenthused about making voyage. Groggily peeling myself from the bedsheets, steeped in sweat from the humid night before, I felt remarkably nausiated and hungry, grumpy and unwilling to face what would surely be a formidable undertaking. I thought of the heat, the strain, and the distance. I thought of the creases in my boots digging painfully into my tarsals and the inceassant aerial assault of deerflies orbiting my head in the thick, moist air. But the more I thought of the misery and strain that I would surely encounter in a few ours, the more I felt a distinct masochism, a deep desire to court exhausted delerium. I made my final preparations on autopilot, not really thinking about what lied ahead or conjecting about what we would encounter. We would just walk, one step after the other, until we reached our goal.

HIIIKE.

i'm having some issues with webspace, but i'll have the hike pictures up ASAP.

they're awesome.

journey

Sometime within the next week, I plan on taking a day hike from my house to the southwest-most peak of "Bell Mountain."

I haven't ironed out all the details, but in brief, what I'm planning to do is hike from my house through populated and unpopulated areas, over fences, over creeks, people's yards, woods, etc.. I would end up at an area that overlooks what's known as the "Notch" which is a valley between two opposing mountains, through which runs a highway and a freeway. The area where I plan to end up is this craggy kind of place that is essentially an area of cliffs.

I've been there before actually. I forget which it was, but many birthdays ago my sister had to get me out of the house somehow so my parents could set up a surprise. She and her friend took me up there and we spent a little time by the rocks just hanging out for a bit before going home so I could find a new printer waiting for me. It was awesome.

I've been meaning to go back there ever since I moved back to Clarks Summit, and I figure that this is a fun way to "work" my way back there. There's an easy way to the cliffs where you can just park your car and hike for 15 minutes or so. But I also I want to accomplish something for myself this summer.

The plan, as it stands, is to get a good night's sleep the night before so I can wake up really early. I would get up about 6:30, have a good breakfast, and be on my way by 7am. I would pack a lunch, water, watch, camera, and some miscellaneous hiking stuff. I'm not sure what time I would get there, but I can't imagine the walk taking more than 4 hours, and that's being generous. Once I arrived, I would hang out by the cliffs for a while, I would be all reflective for a while and take some pictures before heading back.

I'd like someone to hike with me, since these things tend to be more fun when shared with others. I can only hope one of my friends is up for something like this. Below is an aerial map showing start and end. In between is all that shit like neighborhoods, roads, and woods. I think this could be fantastic.

View image

animal bite!

For those of you who have not recently sustained a severe animal bite:
Isn't is wonderful? As far as animal bites go, you have not a care in the world. You're not looking for signs of infection; you don't have to take antibiotics or get shots of any kind! Imagine how terrible it would be to have to look down at your bandage, knowing that beneath it, it's anyone's guess what sort of animal-borne pestilence is eating away at your health. Feels great not to have that burden doesn't it? And also, animal bites scar, especially the bad ones. When that cute looking dog from the park gnashes down on the blade of your hand and starts thrashing back and forth with those deadly neck muscles, your flesh is torn to freyed ruins. That kind of injury doesn't just heal over. For the rest of your life, you'll look down and see those swollen pink mounds, numb to any sensation, and be able to count the teeth of your attacker. Thank goodness you don't have to worry about that. You don't have to worry about newly sowed animal phobias. You don't have to worry about explaining for the next month "what happened to your [whatever got bitten]." Rest easy, you're in the clear.

For those of you who have recently sustained a severe animal bite:
Try and look on the bright side. As long as you keep it clean and get the shots you need, you should be okay. You also have the option of revenge by having the animal put down, if you're still mad enough to be vengeful. There's some special topical ointments that you can buy that are supposed to minimize scarring, so you might want to look into that too. Understandably, things are going to be tough for a while. These things take time to heal, emotionally as well as physically, but such is the way of life. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger as a person. If you take but one thing away from this unfortunate experience, learn a lesson. Chin up, take your vitamins, and good luck with your recovery.